


The Disintegration of Blood

by Sophia_Bee



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Dark, F/M, Future Fic, Lilly is Alive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 17:57:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2397542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sophia_Bee/pseuds/Sophia_Bee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Veronica and Duncan have a baby</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Disintegration of Blood

Logan watches porn. He sits on the edge of the bed with his dick in his hand watching some buxom blond tell the mustached and muscled man that she’s been a very bad girl.

He jerks off, letting out a groan as he comes.

He waits until the house is empty. Until the housekeeper has gone home for the day. Then he goes into the bedroom, mouth watering as he puts in the DVD. He loosens his belt and pulls down the zip of his tailored wool slacks. He licks his lips as the blond appears on the screen.

Every time he sees her face. Every time he calls her name.

Veronica.

He goes to meetings, sitting at the head of the long conference table, nodding his head like he cares what is being said. He’s only thinking how fast can he get home. How quickly can he get back to the vacuous blond on the screen?

She’s been a very bad girl.

****

Lilly shops. She leaves the house every day and returns in the evening, her arms laden with tall shopping bags. Prada. Dolce and Gabbana. Burberry. Louis Vuitton. She pulls the crumpled package of cigarettes out of the zip pocket of her purse, pulls one out and sticks it between her lips. The top of the convertible is down so the smoke can blow into the wind.

She pops a mint in her mouth when she pulls up to the circular driveway. By now Logan must think her breath smells naturally of mint. She checks her makeup in the rearview mirror, noting how her lips are flawlessly glossy red; her eye makeup perfect. She steps out of the car and calculates the paces until she can find the bottle of gin and pour it over the crystal ice cubes in the Waterford high ball.

Sometimes she wishes Lynn was still alive. She would have been helpful in training Lilly how to be an Echolls wife.

*****

Logan calls her and she tells him to stop. It’s been a year.

He hears the baby cry in the background.

He wonders what she would do if he found a way to say what was hanging between them. Instead he tells her he can still feel her touch. There’s silence on the other end of the line.

“Don’t.”

Veronica’s voice is cracking. Logan wants to find a way to tell her that he’s cracking too, slowly shattering under the weight of missing her.

“If I’d known...”

He doesn’t tell her exactly what he wishes he’d known, what he would have done differently. She knows what he’s talking about. If they’d been able to find a way out of the roles they chose years ago, the relationships defined by prom dresses and yearbooks.

“You didn’t know,” Veronica snaps. “I didn’t…”

Logan is silent again. He hears her breathing on the other end of the line; in and out, over and over again. Neither says a word. If this is all he can get, he’ll take it.

“Don’t call again.”

Her voice is jarring in the silence.

“Okay.”

They both know it’s a lie.

*****

Lilly holds a society fundraiser at the house and ends up snorting blow in the bathroom with the trophy wife of one of the higher-ups at Kane software. She sniffs as she raises her head and stares in the mirror at her image. Perfectly brushed hair, sleek and smooth. Manicured nails.

It’s a nice costume.

They raise ten thousand dollars that day that will go toward a new rehab center at Neptune General.

Ironic.

She slips between the covers that night and curls into Logan’s side. He grunts in his sleep and pulls away from her. Lilly squeezes her eyes shut but she can’t keep the tears from leaking from beneath her eyelids and slipping down her cheeks.

*****

“I love you.”

Silence. Breathing.

“But I don’t love you.”

Her voice is twisted and distant this time. She’s lying again. It seems all they do is lie to each other.

Bitch. Logan wants to throw something. Instead he lifts the glass of scotch to his lips. The ice cubes clink against the side.

“Are you drinking?”

He laughs, bitter and forced.

“Always the detective.”

He takes another drink.

“Logan…”

He knows what she wants to say. She wants to take it all back, to make everything different than how it’s turned out. It makes his heart clench and he loves her even more in that moment.

Almost as much as he hates her.

“You can’t take it back.” Logan says quietly.

“I know.”

They both know it’s a lie.

*****

Sometimes Duncan wonders what life would be like without the pills. Would everything become sharp, clear and jagged? Would he cut himself on reality? Could he handle it when he’s used to looking at the world with a blurred lens?

Would he sneak into the nursery and look at the baby, sleeping in the crib, making little sighing sounds as she breathes. Would he see his own eyes, looking back at him, his own nose?

Duncan knows the answer.

Would he pick up one of the stuffed animals and hold it over her mouth and nose, watching her hands flail, fingers starfish as she fights for air. Another baby lost to SIDS.

He thinks he should keep taking the pills.

*****

Lilly fucks the gardener. She fucks the trainer. She fucks the president of Logan’s company in the coatroom at the Christmas party. She drives her expensive white SUV into the seedy area of Neptune and a young Hispanic man hands her a small package through her window.

She never drinks too much but she always drinks too early. Sometimes she wishes Logan would care enough to pick up her glass of orange juice and sniff it. Sometimes she wishes he would care enough to throw it against the kitchen wall. He just reads his paper then folds it and tucks it into his briefcase.

“Business dinner tonight.” Logan says absently as he picks up his suit coat.

“Mmmmm.” Lilly murmurs then takes another sip of her orange juice.

“Duncan asked me when we’re going to come and see the baby.”

Lilly finds a way to reach through her detachment. She lifts her eyes to look at Logan. He’s watching her, waiting for a reaction. She wants to scream. To stand up, push her chair away, pound him with her fists.

_Your baby._

“Maybe Thursday.” Lilly says, her voice void of emotion. Logan won’t win this one.

Later that afternoon she goes shopping. She buys baby clothes. Onesies. T-shirts. Jumpers. One of every color. She buys tiny sweaters and silk dresses. Tiny patent leather shoes. Stuffed animals.

On the way home she detours to the other side of the tracks. When the man hands her the package she gives him her best come-hither look and they end up fucking in the back seat of her car. She doesn’t have to pay that time.

When she gets home she takes all her bags to the garage. She pulls out each outfit, one by one, and throws it on the ground. Then she finds the gasoline and douses the pile.

Lilly pays the housekeeper extra to clean up the mess and never tell her husband that she’d set a fire in the garage.

*****

Veronica counts the pills every day. It makes her feel better to know that they’re there if she wants them. It was the only way she could finally be a good wife.

Most good wives didn’t fuck their husband’s best friend for almost seven years. Most good wives didn’t tell their husband that their baby was his when she knew it wasn’t.

She smiles and coos at the baby appropriately. She dresses her in cute outfits and takes her to the park in her trendy stroller. She tries to ignore that the baby has Logan’s eyes, that they follow her everywhere she went, Logan’s mouth that cries for more milk. She stares at the ceiling well past 3 am and tries not to picture his face, not to miss him.

Veronica used to find the bad guys, hunt them down. She used to smoke out liars and cheats. She’s become what she used to hate.

She cheats.

She wonders if she’ll ever forget his touch on her skin, the way he kissed her, they way her name sounds on his lips as he comes. She wonders if she’ll ever stop dreaming about him.

She lies.

She lies to Duncan, tells him how happy she is. She ignores the edge in his voice, ignores that they both knew the truth. She lies to Logan, tells him she doesn’t love him when every words rips her heart out over and over.

She lies to herself and tells her this is the best for everyone.

Veronica keeps the pills in the bathroom cabinet, counted out, a number guaranteed to finally let her slip away. She wonders if she’ll ever have the courage to use them.

**The End**


End file.
